Fat Frog Diary

...Lena was doing her best not to eat the whole house. Okay, that's an exaggeration. Fact is, I'm okay with the extreme low-carb diet, even with the new instructions the doc included last I saw of him on the 22nd. When I saw Dr. Baptista on Monday (12-22-08) I'd hoped for a private session, and was disappointed to learn it would be another group session. Just how in the hell are you supposed to ask about your particular surgical situation in a group? However, they made it clear you could ask him for personal time afterwards, and I did. We negotiated and worked out a way to get around my particular problems with IV's and needles. Dr. B apparently doesn't care for PIC lines and specifically called them "lazy." He is concerned about infection, and in a case like mine where we must be concerned with not only my blood thinners but also my sleep apnea, a PIC line is not ideal. Instead, he would prefer a central line to be placed in my aorta or clavicle. Even his...

Today is my pre-op visit at the hospital. Am I scared? You bet your bippy. I had a long talk with the representative of the anesthesia department. She called to verify information and fill out her paperwork with a pile of questions. Here are some of the highlights of that conversation in no particular order:' She strongly suggests I talk to the doc about having a pic line established because I'm such a hard stick for IVs and blood draws. Being a violent needle phobic, I'll agree to just about anything that keeps me away from the lab rats. It's not their fault I'm a hard stick and they're not trained for that. Only problem with a pic line is the timing. I'm supposed to arrive for surgery prep at 0-dark-five-thirty (The O stands for Oh MY GOD it's early!) the day after a holiday. Do I want a hungover anesthetist who gets called in after only an hour or two of sleep to put a tube in my veins? Uh, no. The alternative is for me to come in one day early on New...

My lap band surgery will take place on January 2!! Yes, I'm thrilled. The round of doctor and lab visits has already begun, with happy results. If ever there was a case for getting a new bathroom scale, yesterday was it. My bathroom scale says I weigh 280 lbs in the morning. Yesterday at my pulmonologist's office --I'll go into why I was there in a minute-- I used their fancy calibrated scale and it read 2 75 lbs in the afternoon! Who am I to argue with that??? I've lost 11 pounds! My own diet, which I call The Goldilocks Zone diet, is working for me. It's hell on earth and very restrictive, but it works where all else has failed. I'll chatter more about it when I get time to type on Sunday. Why was I at my pulmonologist's? Because of the surgery. I'll take blood thinners for the rest of my unnatural life because I have the genetic predisposition to DVT. This means to have any surgery, I have to stop the Warfarin pills and use a subcutaneous shot in my...

So, tomorrow I take the first step toward bariatric surgery. I've got the appointment with my General Practitioner, and I'm ready for a fight. I don't know anyone who just walked in, asked for and got the surgery without having to jump through a bunch of nonsensical hoops. Seems like you have to prove you're desperate by being turned into a pin cushion, baring your soul to a therapist, and submitting to the diet imposed by a dietician (which was for me in direct conflict with the orders of my doctor not to eat green veggies). No, I'm not kidding on that last. You see, I have to take Coumadin, a blood thinner, for the rest of my life. The vitamin K present in many green veggies counterracts the Coumadin. Therefore, no salads, spinach, brussells sprouts, or broccoli for me. Last time I tried to sneak a cup of brussells sprouts, I had a low Coumadin count for two weeks, which meant four weeks of running to the doc every few days until my Coumadin count settled back in ...

This is a typical good news and bad news situation. The good news: My pulmonary doc says there is an alternative to coumadin available so they can't deny me the surgery because I once had DVT. The bad news: The alternative to coumadin for both during and after surgery is a (shiver) subcutaneous injection in the belly twice daily. DH would have to give me the shots even after I get home. He can do it, no problem, but the first shot would have to be before 6 AM when he leaves for work. Before coffee. Oh, the cruelty! Talk about a rude awakening. I had nightmares last night about all those needles. The nurses told me the needles are "teeny tiny" and "won't be like getting an IV or a regular shot." My mind's eye sees the glint of silver and folds up, wailing like a small child before the boogey man. Sometimes my courage fails me. Did you know it's impossible to breath using a CPAP machine when you awaken sobbing in terror at 4 AM?