The FORD Method for the Socially Awkward

At this time of year, social occasions are inevitable. I, as a morbidly obese person, found social interactions awkward. I had no idea who these people were, so how could I converse with them? And then I discovered the FORD method. By remembering that simple acronym, I now had the ability to do what I did best: be quiet, smile, and nod while listening and learning.

 

F—Family. Ask anything about their family. Are they going home for the holidays or will relatives be showing up on their door? By the time you exhaust this subject, who knows how late it might be? You'll be shown pictures of the kids, the dog, last year's trip to Aspen, and all you have to do is smile and admire. Sometimes laugh at the dog with the reindeer horns and reference Grinch's dog Max.

 

O- Occupation. Ask about what they do for a living or any good side hustles. Do they work as a programmer by day and drive for Uber at night? Maybe you'll find a new business to patronize, and don't forget to ask for a business card/website/etc! Some folks live to work or do fascinating things. I had no idea I was sitting next to a school board member at the symphony, and once I expressed support for certain initiatives (I listen to NPR) I had an enthusiastic seatmate at intermission to share nibbles with! You never know!

 

R- Recreation- What do they do for fun? Hobbies, books, movies, and geekdom are everywhere! You may find that sour old man warms up pretty quickly if you stoutly defend Data vs. Spock or dare to say the book was better than the movie. Ask if they've seen any good movies lately or read a good book they'd recommend. People love to talk about their recreations. I was shown lovely pictures of a camping trip to a local state park that I had to beg more information about, and I was happy to find out rented cabins with Wifi!

 

D- Dreams. I personally have never needed it, but this last category could be a big winner. Ask about their hopes for the future. Maybe they are hopeful for climate change initiatives and will be scuba diving to clean up a reef. Maybe they know something you don't. Maybe they're on the opposite side of politics and you can learn something of why they feel that way. You don't have to agree, but listening and nodding may give you the next question or a social "out" like, "Oh, you spoke with your tax preparer about the tax cuts? What did he or she say? I haven't filed yet."

 

Unless you've banged up against a totally people-hating curmudgeon, you can usually find something they are interested in.

 

Lee Plumb

 

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