Fat Frog Diary

I do believe this will all be worth it in the end, but as I sit here waiting at 6:30 AM to drive over to my friend Karen's house to walk, I cannot help but envy those who can slurp down lattes and munch on potato chips without consequence. I am more physically fit and prepared for my surgery when it finally comes, but the waiting and sweating in the Florida heat is difficult to bear. Sometimes I think Karen and I fight our battles with only each other for support. I cannot count on my husband's support. He's admitted outright that he'd prefer I remain overweight, because he remembers what I look like when I get close to my medically correct weight. He's terrified someone will steal me away. Doesn't say much for his opinion of my loyalty, not to mention over 25 years of marriage, but I forgive him. That's his lack of self-esteem talking, not a low opinion of me. I bought a bikini pattern for myself to sew. Not that I'd wear such a thing in public! I don...

I don't know if anyone is even looking at this blog, but just in case I'll post more about my beloved Food Mover . This is a plan that makes sense, because it's based on what diabetics have to do --manage portions and overall intake. That's it. No weirdness, no trying not to eat carbs. Here's how it breaks down. I'm 5'7", and so I should weigh between 135-172. Since I weigh 279, that means I have at least 100 pounds to go. (Frightening, isn't it?) The little chart in the instruction book says that I should be using the 2000 calorie card in the Food Mover, so I know how many windows to close every day. EAch window represents one selection from a particular food group. There's another little booklet that contains my choices, separated by food groups. If there are four windows with chicken legs in them, then I get four selections of proteins a day. My choice, as long as I also do portion control. (C'mon, this isn't rocket science.) When all...

Hooray!! When I stepped on the scale at the doc's, I've lost 5 pounds since July 3. I still have a BMI of 40+, but anything I can do to be healthier is worth the trouble. All I've done is keep walking with my friend Karen and drink more water. I'm trying to stick to my old tried and true Food Mover but I'm not beating myself up when I have an extra ounce of meat. The Food Mover was the *only* weight loss plan where I lost more than 50 pounds, so that's the plan that worked for me. (More on that tomorrow.) At last, my doc has ordered the referral to a bariatric surgeon. (Happy Dance) First set of hoop jumping completed. What a relief. Now I know I'll have to jump through the surgeon's hoops. It's understandable that he'd want me to see a shrink to make sure my head is screwed on straight, that I'm committed, and he won't have a failure if he can help it. I get that. I'll play along. At least I possibly won't have to have another fr...

I stepped on the scale this morning. I've *gained* three pounds despite the three times a week walking, all the gardening, and rearranging three rooms of furniture. It's enough to make me sit down and cry. And they wonder why I want bariatric surgery? Lena

The Plan! You gotta love Robin Williams...Even if he's nuts! Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message. Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with this logic!) 'I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan.' 1) 'The US will apologize to the world for our 'interference' in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those ' good 'ole' boys', we will never 'interfere' again. This I can agree with. I don't feel we need to apologize, but the point needs to be made that our "interference" has saved a lot of butts from tyranny. But, hey, if they don't want our help anymore, we can politely apologize and stop interfering. 2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with...

Just so you know what I'm talking about... *** What is diverticulitis? Diverticulitis is a condition in which diverticuli in the colon rupture. The rupture results in infection in the tissues that surround the colon. What is diverticulosis? The colon (large intestine) is a long tube-like structure that stores and then eliminates waste material. Pressure within the colon causes bulging pockets of tissue (sacs) that push out from the colonic walls as a person ages. A small bulging sac pushing outward from the colon wall is called a diverticulum. More than one bulging sac is referred to as diverticula. Diverticula can occur throughout the colon but are most common near the end of the left colon called the sigmoid colon. The condition of having these diverticula in the colon is called diverticulosis. A patient with diverticulosis may have few or no symptoms. When a diverticulum ruptures and becomes infected, the condition is called diverticulitis. A patient suffering from diverticuliti...

...So why am I surprised the medical folks lied again? Why do I keep this wrong-headed belief that there are upstanding and truthful professionals in scrubs somewhere out there? When my PCP's assistant ordered a CAT scan of my belly to ascertain the reason for my intermittent stomach pains, I asked specifically, "Is this the CAT scan where they use a needle?" (Hah! I've been suckered before, haven't I?) I referred to the iodine injection used in conjunction with the barium. The two different persons both threw up their hands in the classic gesture of innocence and said, "Oh, no! This is just the circular array taking pictures of your stomach with barium in it. Here's the berry smoothie flavored barium. Just follow directions." I followed directions and swallowed the barium as ordered. I'll even give the berry flavor a kudo for being much more palatable than the old banana flavored crap they used to sucker you into drinking. At least I didn't ...

Okay, riddle me this Batman -- Why does the insurance industry refuse to cover known and proven diet medication but yet covers the results of obesity like cholesterol treatments, high blood pressure medications, diabetes treatments, etc? Is someone not paying attention? Because it's part of the rules of making sure the bean counters of my insurance company know I *tried* to lose weight, I researched recommended diet medications and asked my doctor about Meridia. That particular drug is known to reduce appetite, increase energy, and was developed for weight loss specifically. My doctor's PA agreed it was a great idea, and wrote me the prescription. I just tried --note the word, tried-- to pick up my new bottle of Meridia at the drugstore. The girl at the window informed me it was ready, but my insurance wouldn't cover the cost. So, the bill was --get this!-- a whopping $120 for one month's supply! That's my entire grocery budget for three adults. Uh...no! I told her...

Okay, I have to say Angela Knight was right. (See her post, Half of Me.) Since my pal Karen and I started exercising on a regular basis, both of us are doing much better health-wise. Karen is ready for her surgery to reverse her temporary colostomy while she recovered from diverticulitis. For me, it's even better. I'm not dropping a lot of weight, but that's all to the good. A pound or two at a time is just fine by me. The big change is my endurance walking and the way my clothes fit. Sure, I'm sore as heck the next day, but I'm better about the *way* I walk. Before, I had started to develop that rolling walk badly overweight get, and I felt like I should be on the heaving deck of a pirate ship or something. Now I'm walking with my back straight and more confidently. I almost feel normal! This weekend, I went through Jo-Ann Fabrics like a woman on a mission without having to stop and rest. I got everything I needed and came home without needing a nap afterward....

Happy Day! After a week of exercising with my friend Karen, I've lost 5 pounds. That's not bad for one lousy week. Because both of us are poor as churchmice, we've chosen walking as our preferred method of exercise. Later, we might add bowling, since we might be able to persuade our husbands to join us for that. I also got a bit of bad news from the doc. Not terribly bad, since it might help me get on the operating table sooner. My cholesterol is even more elevated than last time. Well, duh! My pulmonary doc, the one that manages my DVT/Coumadin, ordered me not to eat one scrap of green vegetables without permission. No salad, no spinach, broccoli, brussels sprouts, or any veggie I really love. Not even asparagus. How am I supposed to eat low-fat, low-carb without veggies?

I promised my friend Angela Knight that I'd start exercising now, even before my surgery was approved. So, I called upon my friend Karen and asked if she'd join me. She too is due for a different form of surgery this fall, so I figured we could both use the benefits of exercise. Karen is a very interesting person. She served in the military and married a man who'd eventually become that dreaded creature, a Navy Chief. Like me, she has a thousand crafts she can do, but her main focus is something I've never attempted until recently --quilting. She's a member of a Quilting Guild, and has been for 20 years. What she can do with fabric is amazing. Anyway, Karen and I decided that walking was our choice of exercise. It's cheap, can be done on our schedule, and it's private. The idea of hauling our fat butts into a gym and being told to "feel the burn" by a skinny teenybopper in spandex gave us the willies. So, we're starting slowly and just walking ...

Okay, this is just a rant. We have a family friend. A very dear family friend we owe a lot, including he’s the guy that introduced DH and I so long ago. That gets him lots of brownie points and privileges. But when do points and privileges exceed the bounds of friendship and even good taste? This friend would be horrified and deny it to the rooftops, but he’s a nag about my weight. Seriously, he can’t have one hour’s conversation with us without mentioning how much better I’d feel if I “just” lost about one hundred pounds or more. For example, yesterday he stopped by to borrow my husband for an hour for some heavy lifting. Before that hour was out, he said this: “When you were young and skinny, you were a hottie. Now I can say this because Randy knows I don’t mean anything by it, but you’d be a hottie again still if you’d just lose that extra hundred pounds or so.” Implication: I’m not young. (No shit, I’m approaching fifty.) but now I’m not a hottie because I’m over 100 pounds over we...

My DH, Randy, has done something wonderful. He's taking the day off from work to be with me the day of my blood test. Doesn't seem like much, does it? Depends on your point of view. First, Randy has to be there just to propel my unwilling lard-butt through the door tomorrow at the ungodly hour of 6:45 AM. I'll say it again. I'm needle phobic. Not just scared of needles. Phobic, as in you have to practically put a gun to my head to make me put up with it. Randy hates seeing me white-faced and terrified. He knows he's going to get pleading looks begging him to rescue me, and he's going to have to be unyielding. This has to be done, and he'll see to it the job gets done, no matter what. Then, because he knows after a fasting CBC, I'll be as miserable as it's possible to be, he'll take me to breakfast somewhere to recover. He'll spend the day being loving and distracting me with all the chatter his taciturn brain can come up with, and when that f...

When is the right time to tell folks what you're planning, and who do you tell? I don't want to shout to the rooftops my plans to have bariatric surgery. I know what some folks will say. "She's taking the easy way out." No, this is the last act of a desperate woman whose health is in severe danger because of the obesity she's suffered with since adolesence. I've warned my editor that I'm trying, but don't have a date yet. I've told my daughters and my mother. One or two don't understand how important this is to me. I'm so tired tonight. We worked in the garden until both my DH and I were sweating, sodden heaps. Maybe that's why I'm depressed and restless.

You wouldn't think making appointments would be stressful, would you? Sometimes they aren't. Sometimes they are. For instance --if you put aside my deserved needle phobia-- the recommended bloodwork lab I have used before has a website where you can schedule your appointment in advance. This is really helpful when you're going to get a fasting blood test at 6:45 AM with no coffee allowed. I don't have the brains God gave badly retarded rocks at that hour without caffeine. However, I'm happy to say I got an appointment at that ungodly hour for that reason, and on a day I'd have to be in that part of town anyway at a later and more decent hour. There will be plenty of time to fuel up on caffeine at a coffee shop before I shoot over to the next destination. Best of all, I got the appointment on a day my DH usually has off. He'll be able to come with me, because I will have to be forcibly propelled through the door of the lab. Can't be helped. I don't fi...

Well, the good doctor has once again proven to me why I like her so much. She’s on my side and promises to make me jump through as few hoops as possible. I took the fussing out she gave me meekly. I deserved it because I’d not gotten a test she felt very important to my continued good health – a liver function test. It’s a sonogram, so I have no good excuse why I didn’t go. Probably forgot about it, to be honest. No matter. I’ll go with good spirits now to the (dreaded) blood test, mammogram (it’s that time of year, so may as well get it done, and the digital one is almost comfortable) and liver function test. I’ll get the blood test over as quickly as possible, just to ease my stress. The other two, I’ll try to schedule simultaneously since they’re done at the same location. Doc C however is adamant about one thing. She insists on the lap-band surgery. She is most emphatic that lap-band is safer, heals faster, and is reversible in the event of emergency. Would I prefer the more perman...

So, tomorrow I take the first step toward bariatric surgery. I've got the appointment with my General Practitioner, and I'm ready for a fight. I don't know anyone who just walked in, asked for and got the surgery without having to jump through a bunch of nonsensical hoops. Seems like you have to prove you're desperate by being turned into a pin cushion, baring your soul to a therapist, and submitting to the diet imposed by a dietician (which was for me in direct conflict with the orders of my doctor not to eat green veggies). No, I'm not kidding on that last. You see, I have to take Coumadin, a blood thinner, for the rest of my life. The vitamin K present in many green veggies counterracts the Coumadin. Therefore, no salads, spinach, brussells sprouts, or broccoli for me. Last time I tried to sneak a cup of brussells sprouts, I had a low Coumadin count for two weeks, which meant four weeks of running to the doc every few days until my Coumadin count settled back in ...

This is a typical good news and bad news situation. The good news: My pulmonary doc says there is an alternative to coumadin available so they can't deny me the surgery because I once had DVT. The bad news: The alternative to coumadin for both during and after surgery is a (shiver) subcutaneous injection in the belly twice daily. DH would have to give me the shots even after I get home. He can do it, no problem, but the first shot would have to be before 6 AM when he leaves for work. Before coffee. Oh, the cruelty! Talk about a rude awakening. I had nightmares last night about all those needles. The nurses told me the needles are "teeny tiny" and "won't be like getting an IV or a regular shot." My mind's eye sees the glint of silver and folds up, wailing like a small child before the boogey man. Sometimes my courage fails me. Did you know it's impossible to breath using a CPAP machine when you awaken sobbing in terror at 4 AM?

Well, I've done it. I called the doc and made the appointment to discuss bariatric surgery. After years of yo-yo dieting, GERD, sleep apnea, blood sugar issues, gall bladder surgery, varicose veins, I'm still with a BMI of greater than 40+. Sad isn't it? Well, I've finally given up. I'm tired of doing without the seemingly normal foods, drinking herb tea instead of a cola, searching in the back of the grocery store for the sugar-free creamer for my coffee, and trying to content myself with a sliver of birthday cake (with all the frosting removed)on my own damn birthday. I even tried bulimea. Before anyone yells at me or sends me frantic emails, I stopped. It's just not in me to manage to sneak off and throw up when I overindulge. DH got upset when he caught me. Not worth the trouble. Anyway, I'm tired of being fat, and I'm tired of spending more money than I make buying useless diet foods. For me alone, Nutrisystem or Jenny Craig would cost more than $30...